Make an Offer

I recently took a whole weekend for myself visiting Kripalu, a marvelous yoga retreat center in Western Mass. I went to be quiet, rest, relax and receive. The weekend was all about what I would get, yet it turned into all about what I can give.

I participated in the Mother Tara Empowerment ceremony. During this ancient ritual which has been passed down by generations of Tibetan monks we made offerings to the altar. At one point, one of the participants asked why we make the offerings. Lama Mingmar Tseten explained, we give to the poor out of compassion, we give to our families out of love and we give to the Buddha, who does not need anything to give unconditionally. He laughed as he said this last part, because giving fruit to a being who is not physical, does not eat, doesn’t need anything and will not tell you thank you, can seem pretty funny.

Yet his words struck me. On my altar at home I have things representing all that I want to have and enjoy, but they are not offerings.

What if instead of creating from what I want, I created from what I have to give?

So I came home cleaned off my alter and replaced each object as an offering

• Buddha ─ in place of looking for enlightenment, I will give the gift of seeing the Buddha nature in myself and those I meet
• Jade Love Birds ─ in place of wanting a wonderful marriage, I will give the gift of loving and appreciating my husband
• Pictures of my daughters ─ in place needing a great relationship with my girls, I will offer them freedom, love and guidance
• Gold coins ─ in place of asking for abundance, I will be generous
• Bear and Turtle Totems ─ in place of hankering to be an amazing coach, teacher and healer, I will offer coaching, teaching and healing
• White Dove ─ in place of a desire for peace, I will be an instrument of peace

What offer do you want to make?

Mantra for Motivating Change

Lately I’ve found myself sitting in front of the TV, remote in hand, checking Tivo for the latest House Hunters International. And lately, I’ve been feeling a little bit at odds with myself. I didn’t connect the two until my coach asked how they are related. Feeling at odds is really a feeling of having untapped capacity, or time and energy for something more, and the uncomfortable feeling of not being sure what I want to do with that capacity. TV is my way of dealing with extra time and a nice easy way to not feel out of sorts.

Hey, there is nothing wrong with a little TV therapy, but I discovered I was using TV to disconnect rather than discover. I wasn’t working with the uncomfortable feeling, just hiding it. So I made a commitment: Less TV time, more God time. For me God time means connection — connection with living fully now and connection with divine wisdom. I believe that guidance is always available, if I tune in. Unless God was telling me I was going to be buying a house in Switzerland or going to be the Next Top Chef and Design Star, I needed a little break from the TV!

My commitment became my mantra. Whenever I felt hand on the remote, I would gently say to myself: Less TV time, more God time. More often than not, I’d put the remote down, take the dogs for a walk, cook something beautiful, or do some yoga — anything that felt like connection to me.

Now lately I’ve been helping my clients turn their commitment into a mantra that motivates change. When a client wants to make a shift, we explore what is currently happening and then tap into what is deeply desired instead. We create a mantra that is a reminder of what is wanted. It helps to tie the mantra to a physical signal – for me feeling my fingers on the remote. For someone who is overeating at night, the opening of the fridge door might be the perfect reminder time for their mantra.

Does this work all the time? Heck, no! But I am more connected, living more fully, and watching a lot less TV these days. Want to try it for yourself? Give me a call and together we will create your mantra for motivating change.

Do It Your Way

Do you ever find yourself doing something you don’t really want to? I got a wonderful email this week from a client who said her vibe had shifted from shoulder bracing, yucky feeling to empowerment, deep conviction, and joy. She began to shift an old pattern of pairing her happiness and desires with another person’s disappointment. In the past when someone expressed disappointment in her decision, she found herself doing what they wanted rather than what she deeply wanted.

With clients I listen for the yucky, push through energy. I call this the “should”, and help them find the empowered, joyful “want to”.

Of course there are times when you do something you’d rather not, for a good reason. Last weekend, I drove my daughter’s 94 Corolla (with no air conditioning) from Philly to Boston. This could have felt like a should, an annoying chore. But because I have a deep desire to support her as she launches her life, and she needed a place to stash her car for the summer, it was a joy. OK … maybe not a joy, but definitely a want to!

One of the practices from PAUSE:52 Ways to Shift the Outcome of Any Situation In Less Than a Minute, is Do It Your Way

The invitation is to look underneath what others want, or what feels like a should and do what is in alignment with your values, your experience, and your deep knowing.

Try this: Next time you feel that yucky “should” energy, ask yourself what you really want to do. Look for a different action that is energizing. Explore what would happen if you followed your heart.

Sometimes the path can’t easily be changed. Try this: Experiment with changing how you see the situation. Remind yourself of what you really care about, and bring that to everything you do.

The minute you begin to do what you really want to do, it’s really a different kind of life.
R. Buckminster Fuller

Buddha’s Brain – Rewire Your Brain for Happiness

I recently attended an all day workshop entitled Buddha’s Brain. Led by Rick Hanson, Ph.D. and based on his best selling book of the same title, it was an all day exploration in using the mind to change the structure of the brain. Rick says our brains are “like Velcro for negative experiences, but Teflon for positive ones.” In other words, because our evolutionary ancestors had to learn quickly from negative experiences?or get eaten?the brain evolved to easily remember things that feel bad.

You can probably do an informal test of this. Think back over your week. What stands out? You might remember a very positive moment, but in all likelihood all the things that didn’t go right come to mind. What can result from the brain’s negative bias? We live inside a constant state of “alert”, or stop ourselves from moving forward because of a past negative experience, or never really enjoy life as the positive experience is it in this moment.

The good news is that you can use your mind to rewire your brain for happiness, making it Velcro for positive experiences and Teflon for negative ones. You actively engage in positive experiences, embodying the experience and soaking it in for more than 20 seconds. Do this repeatedly and the brain changes incrementally over time. Rick calls this Taking in the Good.

Here is a practice you can do. Every evening before bed, when you mind is most receptive, think of a positive fact about yourself. For example, I’m good at listening. Now turn that fact into a positive experience, savor this positive fact for 10-20-30 seconds, feel it in your body. If you get distracted?well I didn’t really listen to my husband that well today?release the distraction or allow it to move to the back of your mind and come back to the positive experience. Sense and intend that the positive experience will soak into you brain and your body.